i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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