I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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