He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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