apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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