I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
