def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
