Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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