he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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