Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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