Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
