Can i not drive my cunt home
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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