What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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