It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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