i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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