WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
nutella sex= disaster
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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