He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
