fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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