...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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