Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize