Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
