I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
