Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
