My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
