Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
