"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
