I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Buhtt sex?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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