she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
