So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
