wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no you cant smoke seaweed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
