i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
