If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
