NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
