Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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