All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there was a trapeze. enough said
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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