U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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