i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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