Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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