You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
