and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
