tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
