this beer tastes like vomit already
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
