I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
