her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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