Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
