Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
