So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
