My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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