My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
