You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize