So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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