He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
