well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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