at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
