Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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