while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
