how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
