3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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