the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
