The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
