That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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