hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
