It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
