if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
