last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
