no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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