We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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